The exam is over and the judgement day for us will be on April 1... That would be the time when I will discover what subjects I had failed. Maybe it would feel like your heart being tossed out brutally to the trash bin. I don't want ot be an irregular, not even one subject. It hurts and it's really hard.. I am not that stupid to fail, it's just that our prof doesn't know how to teach the right way, I wonder if she even have a Bach's deg in Education.
She's not the only reason why I might fail, I have so much stuffs to think about. It's kinda hard to balance time for each subjects. But.. Duh? Comp tech?? I can't believe that I might fail here even though I've been operating computers since I was a kid.. She really sucks I hate her..
It's really hard, this feeling.. I can't cry. I am emotionally hurt not only because I am about to fail, I am hurt due to many other reasons.. I am hurt because I am seeing and feeling things I am not supposed to see and feel... In my dreams, at school and even in my daydreams.. I haunts me and it leaves a feeling of emptiness and insecurity. I feel sp ugly, dumb and useless... I am crying because It feels like no one would accept me as I am, I always have to pretend to be someone else so that I would be accepted. I am a girl with a short fuse, I treat others coldly when I see my special someone getting along well with others, yes I am that selfish. In fact I dont want that special someone of mine to have friends.. I am that selfish. I easily get jealous and I easily feel insecure. I feel like a rag on the floor that no one cares to pick up. I feel jealous with his ex even though they don't have communication anymore and I don't know why.