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Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Life got even crappier I thought that my situation wouldn't get any worse.. I was wrong.. I didn't wish for a set of Dell pc, but I can feel that anytime this old pc of mine would finally rest in peace... I didn't even wish for an iphone but my phone already rested in peace.. My life in UST was great until I have to transfer to this crappy school.. and guess what? I'll just be finishing this sem and take up a vocational course( It's what my grandpa wants so that I'll be able to go to Canada) It's really a crap, I don't want to take up that vocational course bullsh*t... Life really is a b*tch.. I never wished for luxury, just plain neccesities but I really don't understand why luck never paid me a visit.. I just want to be a normal kid.. I really hate it.. My situations a real sh*t but I absolutely have no time to waste crying.. I've become as cold as a rock.. Perhaps I'll just pack up, never return here and start living on my own where my family and old friends would never find me... I want to leave... I really want to.. I ought to start working.. perhaps not a work.. but a job would do.. exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
LIfe's a b*tch I don't believe fair exists anymore... I don't understand life anymore, I dont understand You anymore.. I don't understand why You give fortune to those who doesn't deserve it. There are many things that I don't understand, to the point that I'm starting to lose all the hopes left in me.. exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Saturday, June 21, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
technorati profile exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Saturday, June 07, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
my get away.. wish this works.. I have to get away or else the history will repeat itself. I do not want any of those to happen again because I never want to hurt him again. Sometimes I feel confused if I should go back, but I guess no. Yeah maybe I feel like going back but... this is the path that I chose, the path away from him... A path with Linus...
But to tell you the truth.. I am not happy. In fact I still feel empty. He isnt what I need but I am doing my best to stay with him and make it work somehow. Linus is really kind. To endure so much pain for me, he witnessed my foolishness on the act and he is still there for me.. as strong as ever trying to hold on. But I guess it really is me who has problem. I feel sad and I want some time away from him, really far away from him. But that will make him really sad. But I really don't know why despite all the kindness Linus had showed me, I can't stop my fingers from typing the url of his blog (my ex). I'm like a stalker or something T_T. No.. I am not a stalker. Maybe there are still many things left unsaid, yes, there are many things I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that I am sorry and that I don;t know why I am like this. I wanted him to understand me but he can't. Instead of understanding me, he uttered painful words instead. It hurts. It really hurts to expect things work even if it can never work. exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Saturday, March 22, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
yey! We went to Q.C a while ago to apply for a job at the NCO Company. We took the qualifying examination and luckily. we were able to pass every stages of the hiring process.. (there were sure lots of stages, damn tiring..) The examination sure wasn't easy... Not to mention that the terms used were too technical. I am glad that my addiction with computers paid off. I was able to answer most of them correctly.(well most of the questions were about computer troubleshooting and the like).. But on my initial interview... I was totally confused and in a state of tension when they ask me if they can have my final word and promise that I won't enroll myself this coming semester.. I was speechless. I can't get myself to answer because I know that I can never give them what they want. I guess I better consult my grandparents regarding this matter- was the only thing I told myself. I can't give them a direct answer yet so they asked me to come back tomorrow so that I can make up my mind, But when I consulted my grandfather about this, of course he won't allow me to stop. What am I? stupid? It's not easy to pass the USTET. I won't gove up my University life (not to mention that I am already accepted @ the English Majorship as long I don't have a grade lower than 2.50, that won't be a problem I guess.. haha).. yes, as I was saying, I dont wanna give up my slot @ UST for a Call center job. But I also want to work. We can never grasp two things and take the opposing roads at the same time I guess.. It is more important for me to finish my studies before I indulge myself to the stuffs I should'nt be taking yet. exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
It's over..
The first year is over for most of them but not for me. My grade in comp tech is critical. I am so worried, I might not be able to relax myself until the clearance day. The exam is over and the judgement day for us will be on April 1... That would be the time when I will discover what subjects I had failed. Maybe it would feel like your heart being tossed out brutally to the trash bin. I don't want ot be an irregular, not even one subject. It hurts and it's really hard.. I am not that stupid to fail, it's just that our prof doesn't know how to teach the right way, I wonder if she even have a Bach's deg in Education. She's not the only reason why I might fail, I have so much stuffs to think about. It's kinda hard to balance time for each subjects. But.. Duh? Comp tech?? I can't believe that I might fail here even though I've been operating computers since I was a kid.. She really sucks I hate her.. It's really hard, this feeling.. I can't cry. I am emotionally hurt not only because I am about to fail, I am hurt due to many other reasons.. I am hurt because I am seeing and feeling things I am not supposed to see and feel... In my dreams, at school and even in my daydreams.. I haunts me and it leaves a feeling of emptiness and insecurity. I feel sp ugly, dumb and useless... I am crying because It feels like no one would accept me as I am, I always have to pretend to be someone else so that I would be accepted. I am a girl with a short fuse, I treat others coldly when I see my special someone getting along well with others, yes I am that selfish. In fact I dont want that special someone of mine to have friends.. I am that selfish. I easily get jealous and I easily feel insecure. I feel like a rag on the floor that no one cares to pick up. I feel jealous with his ex even though they don't have communication anymore and I don't know why. exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
i really miss you..i hope you'll come out of your idiot shell and drop by here ~_~ There's this place only I know.. When I am there, it feels like it was a place made just for me.. where there are writings on the wall that only a few people understand... When I am there I enjoy my solitude.. this solitude isn't a sad loneless.. but a feeling of being somehow connected with my him... we are still somehow binded by an invisible red string of fate.. But I chose not to follow the fate intended for me... I took the way out with a very beautiful facade.. and fell down on my face... There's always something in the way There's always something getting through but it's not me it's you sometimes ignorance rings true but hope is not in what i know not in me it's in you it's all i know i find peace when i'm confused i find hope when i'm let down not in me but in you i hope to lose myself for good i hope to find it in the end not in me in you in you inyou it's all i know it's all i know it's all i know there's always something in the way there's always something getting thorugh but it's not me it's you it's you it's you exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Sunday, March 09, 2008
Saturday, March 08, 2008
nostaligia The things I did today..
I cried a tear for all the years that had passed.. I wish I could turn back time just like how Ashton Kutcher did in the Butterfly effect movie... I cried for the fact that I am turning 19 this June.. and I don't want to say goodbye to childhood yet.. I dont want to be a full grown lady yet... I miss the feeling of being cradled in the arms of my grandparents back then...In 3 yrs I would be on my own and I am not really ready yet... Right now I feel like a small kid crying helplessly for a toy that could never be retrieved anymore.. lost forever... I cried for the lost bonding I had back then with my high school friends... I regret every moment we spent ignoring each other... I regret the times we didn't talk even though we are face face.. the times we had wasted on cold wars... I miss the moment I danced on stage with my fellow dancers... I miss the pressure I feel during quiz bees and exams... I miss the laugh.. I miss the tears.. This is strange.. I am crying not because 1st sem is about to end.. I am crying because I miss high school.. I cried for being a coward... For not having the courage to say 'I love you' to my grandparent... How many years had they been taking care of me? 18 years.. They had been there for me for 18 years and I couldn't even return the favor to them.. I want to kill myself for that.. I feel guilty of being able to say I love you everyday to my bf and not even once to the people who raised me up.. I'd do anything to turn back time.. exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Saturday, March 08, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
The place where I end up/ tadoritsuku basho
exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Monday, February 18, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Forbidden love.. Forbidden love.. you and me; we lavished the happy moments under the cresent moonlight We lavished every details until we felt the moist feeling of tears build up underneath our eyes Tears we tried to hold back.. Tears of joy that reflected the overwhelming feeling of being together tonight.. The silhouette of an upside down boat under our noses lit by the faint light of the moon Despite the beautiful light and the cool breeze sweeping through our hair.. we laughed our feelings of devotion.. A laughter that covered the painful memories of the dark pasts we both once had... and we forgot about it like it never existed. Oh mixed emotions.. Felt like an emotional roller coaster.. mixed sadness and happiness... confusion spare me.. With our fingers intertwined.. no odd can break them apart.. Eternal love dwelt among us.. No eye can separate us A love that sees right through our physical bodies.. A love that pierces right through anything... A love that extends its wings beyond the gates of heaven... A love so true .. A love no one can erase... And this quixotic quotes I had written for you... without any effort. but with all the love.. </3 exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Writer
I am the torn... and I am despair... caught between dream and reality.. I am your worst nightmare.. every immature minded's mistake and I am unwanted,.. The Saint of the broken... î I need company since I am always in pain... î Do you know what it feels like to be alone? î Do you know the feeling of losing the will to live? î Countless suicide attempts that failed...I have attempted to kill myself even before I was born.. î Don't speak like you know what it feels like to be a ghost î Dive with my on my way down ;_; î Pull me up if you could, I might as well pull you downwards ;_; I am as hopeless as what he bare eyes could see T_T •being alone feels like no one would care to search for your body even if you commit suicide in a dark alley• call me hitori... Soul mates
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