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Monday, March 17, 2008
It's over..
The first year is over for most of them but not for me. My grade in comp tech is critical. I am so worried, I might not be able to relax myself until the clearance day. The exam is over and the judgement day for us will be on April 1... That would be the time when I will discover what subjects I had failed. Maybe it would feel like your heart being tossed out brutally to the trash bin. I don't want ot be an irregular, not even one subject. It hurts and it's really hard.. I am not that stupid to fail, it's just that our prof doesn't know how to teach the right way, I wonder if she even have a Bach's deg in Education. She's not the only reason why I might fail, I have so much stuffs to think about. It's kinda hard to balance time for each subjects. But.. Duh? Comp tech?? I can't believe that I might fail here even though I've been operating computers since I was a kid.. She really sucks I hate her.. It's really hard, this feeling.. I can't cry. I am emotionally hurt not only because I am about to fail, I am hurt due to many other reasons.. I am hurt because I am seeing and feeling things I am not supposed to see and feel... In my dreams, at school and even in my daydreams.. I haunts me and it leaves a feeling of emptiness and insecurity. I feel sp ugly, dumb and useless... I am crying because It feels like no one would accept me as I am, I always have to pretend to be someone else so that I would be accepted. I am a girl with a short fuse, I treat others coldly when I see my special someone getting along well with others, yes I am that selfish. In fact I dont want that special someone of mine to have friends.. I am that selfish. I easily get jealous and I easily feel insecure. I feel like a rag on the floor that no one cares to pick up. I feel jealous with his ex even though they don't have communication anymore and I don't know why. exorcism013 wrote his/her thoughts @ Monday, March 17, 2008
The Writer
I am the torn... and I am despair... caught between dream and reality.. I am your worst nightmare.. every immature minded's mistake and I am unwanted,.. The Saint of the broken... î I need company since I am always in pain... î Do you know what it feels like to be alone? î Do you know the feeling of losing the will to live? î Countless suicide attempts that failed...I have attempted to kill myself even before I was born.. î Don't speak like you know what it feels like to be a ghost î Dive with my on my way down ;_; î Pull me up if you could, I might as well pull you downwards ;_; I am as hopeless as what he bare eyes could see T_T •being alone feels like no one would care to search for your body even if you commit suicide in a dark alley• call me hitori... Soul mates
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